How an 8 year old girl beat 40+ year old men to the punch...

I have a bone to pick with Steven Soderbergh, Scott Z. Burns and Kurt Eichenwald… COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!

While vegetating in front of the idiot box last night, I saw a commercial for a new Soderbergh film starring Matt Damon – The Informant!  Honestly, I was only half paying attention.  Until the following exchange happened:

Damon: Mark Whitaker, Secret Agent 0014
(unknown): Why 0014?
Damon: Cause I’m twice as smart as 007.

I have been plagiarized.  Seriously.  And I’m outraged. Why put that line in the trailer if they didn’t find it one of the funnier moments from the film?!  I want profit sharing and screen credit! 

When I was 8 years old, my parents, poor graduate students unable to find a babysitter, took me with them to the movies.  The film: The Spy Who Loved Me.  From that moment on I began referring to myself as Beth Bond 0014.  Why 0014, you may ask?  Well, because I was twice as good as 007.  You can ask my dad, Jon Bond.  That was in 1977.   0014…it’s mine.  I claim it.  As an 8 year old, why in the world would I put a copyright protection on a personal moniker?  I didn’t even really know what copyright was then.  Had I thought that 24+ years later an adult male (or males…as I don’t know if the line was in Eichenwald’s book from 2001 or written specifically for the screen a few years later) would come up with the same thing that an 8 year old girl had already figured out, I would have copyrighted the phrase then and there.  I could be a rich woman, now!

Instead, I’m writing a blog and going to graduate school…again.  So…

Mr. Soderbergh, I have an MFA from Columbia in screenwriting.  So if you’re interested, I’ve been coming up with silly, inane little quips like the above since I was at least 8 years old.  Think about how much sillier and more inane I must be now!  If that’s what you’re looking for…then I’m your man…except I’m a woman. 

Until I return…

Comments

Popular Posts